Revisiting Fathering – Week 3 / January 14th

by admin

 

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children
to wrath, but bring them up in the training and
admonition of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4

The Bible places great importance on marriage; the consequences of which are children. The Lord God of Heaven, we are told in scripture, desires Godly offspring (Malachi 2:15) who will continue to honor and serve Him throughout their generations. Being a father then carries with it an awesome responsibility, a truth demonstrated by the fact that the name Father comes from God Himself (Ephesians 3:14-15) since the act of fathering finds its fullest expression in God’s creation of, and engagement with, us. Our God is our Creator and Father in that He begets us again through Christ and cares for us in ways so wonderful that they are unimaginable. Fathers then have a holy calling and they should set out chiefly to introduce their children to God, their heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ.

This is a very serious business as it is not a given that godly fathers will bring forth godly children into the world. Hezekiah was a godly king and yet he failed as a father because his son Manasseh turned out to be a very wicked individual. In fact it was because of Manasseh that God visited an awful destruction upon His people.

“I will hand them over to trouble, to all the kingdoms of
the earth, because Manasseh the son of Hezekiah, king
of Judah, for what he did in Jerusalem.”
Jeremiah 15:4

This reality should make every earthly father tremble because he is training his children; either by neglect or by design but either way he is training them and God is watching. Fathering is a huge privilege that carries with it a huge responsibility. We should then consider the following:

The Fatherhood of God
The God we serve made human beings male and female. This in turn means that, while God is essentially male, He understands the female character as it flows out of Him. The “helpmeet” He made for Adam is in fact called “woman” as she comes out of man (Genesis 2:23). She is a part of him and when united with him in marriage is part of his flesh and so, as Paul confesses, he who loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5:28). Male and female have the capacity to be the same emotionally and it is thus a father’s responsibility to stamp and male or female identity upon his children. God our Father made them male and female and so to a lesser degree so must earthly fathers. Our children are born male or female and it is the calling of fathers to make them male and female.

Where there is a home without a father the children will be subjected to female influences only and these will greatly impact their personalities. It is no coincidence that the growth of the homosexual movement is directly related to the breakdown of modern marriages. Little boys who should be acting like boys begin to act like girls! I have seen this everywhere. The problem is the fathers are absent; either literally or emotionally and consequently the children grow up with identity issues. It is the function of the Father in the home to stamp a male or female image upon his children! This might I say is a very unique calling.

Boys and girls
Boys should be made to behave, play, act and work as boys and girls as girls. It is in the heart of boys to hunt, play “cops and robbers’, climb trees and win in competitive sports or games. Girls love to teach, give an opinion, beautify, nurse, dress up and express caring concern. It is the father’s role to encourage these in a godly way. Sadly, in much of the West today boys are being turned into wimps and deliberately so by an institutional process that seeks to suppress their natural god-given instincts. These instincts have to be trained and not denied and so now we are told that boys should not win running races at school as this will make them too competitive and hurt other people’s feelings and they should not run around with toy guns playing war or cops and robbers because this encourages violence. They should also not engage in robust recreational pursuits as these will hurt or injure them. By contrast they should be wimps and are! By the way women want to marry men and not girls in a man’s body!

An engaging father will discern the strengths of his girls and boys and “play into them.” I well remember my son coming to me years ago requesting that I should drive him to the shops to get something. These shops were about a mile away. Consequently I told him to man up, put on his big boy shoes and get down there himself; and he did. Some days later my daughter made the same request and I obliged by driving her down to the shops. My son was scandalized and asked why he had to walk and so I told him because you are a boy! My son ran all over the place playing sports, surfing, engaging in mock war games called “Paint Ball” and generally tearing up the neighborhood. Good for him! He sometimes came home bruised and bleeding but I was determined to turn him into a man. I also have two girls and likewise encouraged them to pursue those things that pertain to a female identity. Today these girls are highly professional, married, smart, caring and they can really cook; and I mean really cook! Fathers are entrusted with this calling and most today are failing.

Boys, girls and Jesus
Jesus was a man amongst men and tough as nails and yet He was gentle, kind, compassionate and godly. Mary was young, sensitive, thoughtful, caring and also godly. These are the types of boys and girls that Fathers should produce. The book of Proverbs states:

“Train up a child in the way he should go
and when he is old he will not depart from
it.”
Proverbs 22:6

So, fathers are to train their children and this means consistently teaching them the great lessons of life. To train children also means that one has to live out the lessons that one is teaching. Fathers must teach their children by example. Children learn quickly and they tend to do what they see their fathers doing even if the father is giving the right instruction but not the right action! Fathers must above all lead their children to Jesus and so, given what we have just written above, they must model the life of Jesus for their offspring. Their children should see them praying, reading the Bible daily and regularly going to church. Moreover, fathers should do more than just go to church they should be involved and committed to church life. If we as fathers do not give attention to these things our children will grow up traditional Christians and nothing more. Fathers have the awesome responsibility of bringing their sons and daughters to Jesus. In all of this they require wisdom and balance as their children must learn that serving Jesus has little to do with “dos and don’ts” and everything to do with a real relationship with Christ. For this reason Paul wrote:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they
become discouraged.”
Colossians 3:21

In the end fathers must love, train and discipline their children. In all of this they must be consistent and unswerving. They do not have to be high performers! No, they must simply love God and take their fathering responsibilities seriously. They should also remember that the greatest gift they can ever give their children is to love Jesus and their children’s mother!

Malcolm Hedding

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